So you and your partner are at the point of no return. Pretty much everyone has been there and no one has ever said it was easy. It’s going to be hard but there are certain things that you shouldn’t say or they will make things so much worse. In the heat of the moment, for a lot of us, anger takes over. This is a natural reaction and is actually your body’s way of counteracting your vulnerable emotions. So take a look at these and if you have said or have contemplated saying these things, take a breath, relax and see what alternatives you can turn to!
– You Always Do This!
Anger is the main culprit behind making statements like this. Saying ‘you always make me feel bad’ or ‘you never listen to me’ are probably unfair. They are also sure fire ways to break down the conversation. If you speak from anger rather than from your vulnerable emotions, your ex partner will not hear you. They will build up a defense and only focus on the statements that seem unfair to them.
– Bringing Up The Past
There are things that are said in the moment that sometimes we don’t think worth getting mad or upset about. But if these things really bother us, we hold onto them and eventually they come up at a later time. Firstly, if something bothers you, bring it up immediately and quash it! There’s no point hanging onto something petty. In the heat of a breakup conversation, remember this – there is not point blaming the little thing that was said 6 months, or 2 years ago. Concentrate on the bigger picture; your relationship is not ending because of that little thing so it’s irrelevant to bring up now and invalidates the rest of your points!
– I Hate You
The reality is that you probably don’t hate them. You’re angry and this is the statement that comes to mind. But do remember you cannot un-say things. When you feel your anger creeping up on you and you feel like you could make hurtful statements like this, take a few moments, breathe, and consider the repercussions of what you might blurt out.
– This Is Your Fault
A breakup, just like a relationship, takes two people. While you may feel like they are at fault, blaming someone else entirely is a bad road to go down. You need to consider their points, just like they should consider yours. If you finish the relationship with that level of hatred, it will scar your memories and probably leave you bitter. No one is saying you should be friends and agree with what your ex is saying, but you should at least try to understand their point of view!
– You’re An Idiot/Loser/Deadbeat
These kind of character assassinations are vague, petty, and childish. They accomplish nothing and in truth should be kept in your head. By telling them what they have done to hurt or upset you will probably make them feel like they’ve done you wrong but won’t portray you as petty. You will be getting to the point if you disallow yourself the use of silly insults like this and force yourself to explain where your hurt actually comes from.
– So and So would Never Have Done This
Wait a minute – if So and So was in any way decent, wouldn’t you still be with them?! Bringing up an old relationship or someone that your ex may have felt threatened by is unfair unless it is directly associated with the breakup. There is absolutely no sense in making comparisons and if it was made the other way around, think about how terrible it might make you feel!
So there you have it, breakups are one of the hardest things to deal with, but there is no point making things harder by saying something you shouldn’t. If you are contemplating a breakup or are going through one, remember to pay attention to these tips, it might help you out in the long run!