It’s Friday night, and you’ve got options; hitting the town, grabbing drinks with the girls, putting on “that dress” and stamping it out at the club… but what you wind up doing is exactly what you really wanted: curling up on your couch with a glass of wine and a bag full of take-out in your yoga pants to binge-watch your latest Netflix obsession. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s a sad truth that society has stigmatized ladies who choose to be single. Every rom-com, every sitcom, every story you’ve ever been told says that, to be happy, the female lead has to wind up with the cute male lead. There is no option for a woman who wants to retain her independence (either temporarily or permanently) to live a happily ever after in society’s master narrative. But this is a lack of foresight on society’s part: social expectation that simply doesn’t match up with the truth on this one. Being single can be awesome!
It’s actually extremely healthy to be single. This is particularly true if you’re getting over heartbreak (there’s a reason that every advice guide recommends some “time to yourself” to recover from the end of a relationship). Being single teaches you how to be a whole, happy person on your own; without the outside intervention of someone else. It encourages good habits: like self-motivation, striving for something more in life and from yourself, and spending a healthy amount of “you” time. It also gives you room to suss out what it is that you need in relationships as well as your life: what do you want? What are your major goals? How are you going to achieve them? What will a successful partner bring to the table that you don’t already have? Since being single means, by definition, that you don’t need to make time for anyone else, you can spend that time with the most important person in your life: you.
Strong relationships are built upon a good foundation: two whole people coming together to craft a larger whole. If you never spend the time learning and understanding how to be the best you you can be, how can you ever hope to give that wholeness to someone else? Additionally, if you haven’t spent the time learning how to make yourself feel happy and fulfilled, how can you expect another person to understand how to do these things? You can never depend upon an outside influence as the lynchpin of your existence; and being single teaches you all the things you need to know about yourself in order to create the happiness, fulfillment, and content that will make your life full and rich.
Also; there’s something to be said for having time that you don’t have to share with anyone else. Want to go out on a given night? You can do that! Want to take a class at a local Maker’s Space? You can do that! Want to stay in and not talk to anyone? That’s also a possibility! Since your time is your own, you can structure your life in the way that best suits you without having to be concerned for (or account for) anyone besides yourself. Being single allows you the freedom to put yourself first without guilt or worry; and that is a habit which leads to healthy things for the long term. Emotional self-care can only come when you understand (and are capable of executing) what you need/want in a given moment!