You may look at a happily married couple and wonder just what it is they’re doing differently than the rest of us. In a world where cheating, divorce and breakups are running rampant, couples who are still over the moon with each other may seem like diamonds in the rough. What do these couples know that we don’t?
The truth is, it’s the little things that make a difference.
A blissful marriage doesn’t mean that there’s not an argument to speak of. In fact, even the happiest couples have knock-down-drag-em-outs. A study published in American Psychologist suggests that arguing isn’t just “not bad” for your marriage, it’s actually good! Couples need to be able to recognize that they do things that make each other angry.
It’s a myth that all married couples stop saying hello to each other and kiss each other goodbye. In fact, the happiest couples still do this, each and every day. It’s become ingrained in their daily routine, to the point where they don’t feel complete without their good morning hug or their good night kiss.
While talking about what you had for breakfast with your partner may seem dull and uninteresting, it’s something that happily married couples do frequently. Sasha Brown Worsham of The Stir tells Huffington Post, “The more you talk, the more you learn.” Even if you’ve been with someone for years, talking about the little things helps you to always be seeing and learning new things about your partner, which goes a long way towards being connected to each other.
Couples that have been together forever tend to be less inhibited in the sack than their still-single counterparts. When you have that level of intimacy with someone, you aren’t as afraid to “let it all hang out” so to speak, and share your deepest desires.
Jill Denton, LMFT, CSAT, CSE, CCS of GoodTherapy.org suggests, “Fantasy is an important aspect of creative intimacy. Believe me when I tell you that your sex life will be greatly enhanced if you feel safe enough to share your sexual fantasies with your partner—and perhaps even explore them with one another.”
If your marriage is lacking in any of these departments, take these tips for a spin and see how well your relationship improves as a result. Even just a “hello” kiss or a conversation about something interesting you saw that day can help you reconnect with your spouse.
Don’t assume that just because you don’t feel the “spark” that you did when you first got together with your partner, that your relationship is doomed. Marriages evolve and change emotionally, often for the better. Those with deep connections have fostered something much more valuable and long lasting than a few butterflies in the tummy.