Ex means exit- so if you bring it up on a first date then that’s where I’ll be headed. If we get past this first date perhaps in the future a funny story of all the crappy dates before me will be hilarious. Until then, hold off on sharing how she used to pick each individual sesame seeds off her hamburger bun and it drove you insane. It’s going to seem like you’re not over her and I’m not into that baggage.
It’s easy to judge someone’s character not only by how they treat other people but also how they treat people in positions that may be “below” them. And since many people spend one point or another in the service industry, myself included, if you fail to tip, you will fail at a second date. Unless the server kicked a puppy by our table, you have to leave something.
Am I really that bad? Should I have donned a paper bag? Those will be the first thoughts through my mind. Plus the fact I’ll have attending AA meetings with you in the future to look forward to. Of course let’s drink, nothing like a little confidence cocktail. But right off that bat? Hold off for a couple rounds.
Usually this line is followed by “a much younger version of course.” Nope, still weird. It may seem flattering; you view me as kind, nurturing and trustworthy. But this fact is going to sit in my mind. If this goes anywhere and I’m thinking that you’re thinking of your mom while we’re spooning, that’s too disturbing to shake.
I don’t tend to connect animal cruelty or dangerous weapon collections to sex appeal. I don’t want to generalize; there could definitely be ladies out there who love to take down a couple bucks in their spare time. By all means if your date shows up in a full camo ensemble, brag on. If not, stick to talking about other hobbies that don’t send my mind to thoughts of you lying half naked on a bear rug trying to seduce me. Or thinking I may be leaving in the trunk of your car.